Children's Nighttime Fears

Light and being awake are recognized in our culture as symbols of logical thinking and awareness, while darkness and sleep often symbolize illogical thinking—a place dominated by shadows where things do not appear to be what they are. Thus, as darkness descends, in preparation for parting from the day that has ended, all of our experiences are colored in bright, bold hues. For children, going to bed is often associated with separation (from parents, from the day's activities) and occasionally leads to feelings of distress and anxiety. At these moments, children can become more sensitive, with lowered defenses and an increased need for dependency and warmth. They often express a desire to cuddle, hug, and be pampered.

The article below will discuss a common and natural phenomenon in children—nighttime fears. We will outline possible manifestations, recommended treatments, and when to seek professional help.

The sum of all fears

First and foremost, it is important to understand that nighttime fears are a natural and typical phenomenon of childhood. Nighttime fears indicate normal development and occasionally reflect strong mental and emotional capabilities.

These fears can manifest differently in each child, depending on their age, the intensity of the fear, their imagination, and the parents' ability to contain those fears. Some children describe specific realistic fears (such as the fear of thieves entering through the balcony, fear that something will happen to their parents, or fear that their parents will leave after they fall asleep), while others express a vague fear (of the night, of the dark, of being alone), and some experience bad dreams about various imaginary creatures (such as scary animals, demons, and monsters).

• Crying is the most common method that is frequently accompanied by restlessness and distress while falling asleep or when getting ready for bed.
• Needing the parents to stay close: children who encounter difficulties in falling asleep occasionally need one of the parents to remain next to them until they fall asleep.
• Asking to keep the lights on: either a nightlight or lights turned on in the rest of the house.
• Waking up multiple times: children with nighttime fears may wake up multiple times in the middle of the night, complain of nightmares, and say that they "didn't sleep all night."
• Making demands: waking up is frequently followed by demands from the child, such as to come cover them, comfort them, take them to the bathroom, or bring them water.

Every age and its fears

It is possible to understand and relate to fears in a variety of ways, depending on their context and the extent to which they help a person cope. Some fears indicate cognitive development, which has emotional implications. For example, separation anxiety and fear of strangers that occur around the age of 9 months are attributed to the development of memory and conceptualization processes. Children learn to distinguish between the familiar and the unfamiliar and are able to associate a pleasant feeling with the familiar and reluctance and fear with the unfamiliar.

At later ages (around the ages of 4–6), the children's thinking is characterized by magical principles that link a thought with an action ("If I think I am angry with mom, then the anger will affect her and something bad will happen to her") or between two completely unrelated actions that happened at the same time ("When I wore the green shirt I won the game, so if I want to win the game I have to wear the green shirt again"). During this period, fears of imaginary characters, such as monsters, demons, ghosts, and witches, usually develop.

Older children (around the age of 7 and older) can already deduce cause and effect and expect possible negative results. At these ages, more realistic fears occur, such as fear that something will happen to parents or fear of thieves. In this context, it should be noted that not all fears are attributed to an actual experience that the child has had. Some are attributed to learning, mimicking other friends who are afraid, repeated warnings that the children have been exposed to, or from stories they hear about "things that happen at night.".

Every fear has a solution

Dealing with fears should include an initial phase of becoming familiar with and understanding who or what the child is afraid of. Before jumping to logical explanations as to why there is no tiger under the bed, it might be useful to understand where the tiger is, why it is there, and what it is afraid of. We must remember that at a young age and with fears that are irrational in nature, the laws of logic work in an illogical way. If we understand that the tiger (the one that might be under the bed) is afraid of light, it makes sense for the child to have a flashlight that can shed light on the tiger when it appears. The logical discussion about the likelihood of a tiger being there is unnecessary and pointless.

As a first step, it is important to legitimize the feelings of fear. Arguing that "there is nothing scary" is pointless, as is dismissing the fear. After getting to know the fear, you can search for ways to deal with it. Look for a way to eliminate the helplessness and give the child a sense of control—that they have some kind of power that they can use if the fear occurs. In children, as in adults, the feeling of control is sometimes more important and powerful than the control itself.

If we remember that children’s imagination only gives rise to fears, we can begin to see that the same imagination can offer solutions.

Various ways to eliminate the fear

It is possible to offer children various solutions that connect to the magical thinking that corresponds with their stage of development, thus "speaking the language" of fears:

• Give the child a flashlight so they can get rid of the darkness.
• Draw the fears on a page and then choose some ritual in which they are placed in custody with the parent or in another safe place.
• Together with the child, prepare imaginary characters that will be used as protection (fairies, superheroes, warriors, etc.), or alternatively, print pictures of real people that offer a sense of security (pictures of the parents, a picture of the child with siblings, or with friends).
• Make or buy a dreamcatcher and hang it above the children's bed.
• Repurpose a water bottle into a "spray against monsters and fears" that you decorate, and then spray the room as needed.
• Many children rely on an object that they love. This object often has special names (blankets, diapers, stuffed elephant, rabbit, etc.), and children need it near them in order to self-soothe. These objects are psychologically important to children’s emotional development. 
• Use dolls that the children like and dress them in the parents’ clothing, thereby creating a more concrete image of us while maintaining a continual presence. It is generally very important to balance between excessive physical parental presence while the child is asleep, possibly interfering with the ability to develop normal sleeping habits (falling asleep in the parents' bed or parents falling asleep lying in the children's bed) and insufficient parental presence (parents saying good night and leaving).
• A bedtime ritual or routine of getting ready for sleep can be extremely helpful to maintain a calm atmosphere and a sense of security—and subsequently, a better sleep. The nature of the ritual can vary from family to family depending on the nature of the children or parents and depending on the number of children at home, etc.
• A joint activity before bed, such as talking about the day's events or reading a story.
• Sitting next to the child's bed when putting them down to sleep can also help alleviate fears. Some parents stay with the child until they fall asleep, and that's fine. Some leave after a few minutes and say they will return shortly. That is also fine.

In any case, it is important to listen to our children to see what they want rather than to follow written instructions in any guide.

Managing significant nighttime fears

Although nighttime fears are common and natural, they can significantly impact the quality of life for all household members, especially when they persist for an extended period (sometimes into adulthood). In such cases, seeking professional therapy may be advisable.

Nighttime fears are particularly prevalent in young children aged 4 to 6, affecting approximately 70% of this age group. These fears can be considered a normal part of developmental challenges, and often, beneficial enrichment and brief parental guidance are sufficient to address them.

As children grow older, coping strategies can be enhanced through direct therapeutic intervention. Some cognitive behavioral approaches incorporate positive similarity exercises, reinforcement programs, breathing exercises, muscle relaxation techniques, and self-control training. Other therapeutic methods may focus on the emotional origins of fear, which can be linked to various home situations (such as anxieties about finances or arguments between parents), fears exhibited by one of the parents (for example, a mother who brings the child to sleep with her when the father is not home), or more complex emotional circumstances.

It is important to remember that, while challenging, nighttime fears are indicative of normal development. With understanding, patience, and creativity, parents can help children navigate these fears while fostering self-confidence. With time and adequate support, most children will overcome their fears and learn to feel safe and calm, even at night.