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Grief and Loss

Life crises
Ms. Rona Ackerman, Social worker and psychotherapist, treats trauma, loss and bereavement
9 November 2025

The death of a loved one harms two fundamental foundations of human aspiration:

  • The desire to be together forever with people with whom we have meaningful connections.
  • The desire to influence and determine our environment.

Grief reactions

Any loss is difficult, but the most difficult loss is death. Death confronts us with the finality of life and the illusion of control. Responses to grief include emotional, cognitive, physical, and behavioral components. They are influenced by circumstances, the nature of the connection and relationship, the degree of closeness, the religious, cultural, and social context, previous life crises, personality structure, and more.

Although most reactions are normal, human, and universal, grief is a personal and unique process.

The process of grieving involves two  main axes:

  • The axis of the relationship with the person who died.
  • The axis of biopsychosocial functioning.

It is important to note when the acute grief reaction continues over a long period of time (at least over six months), and requires contacting professionals for emotional assistance, and only if necessary –pharmacological assistance as well.

Grief is a natural emotional reaction to loss. It is a painful and difficult experience that is an integral part of human life, and each person goes through it in their own unique way. If you have recently experienced a loss, the feelings and emotions that arise in you are a completely natural response. Grief is the soul's way of coping with the profound change that has occurred in your life.

Although grief is universal – there is no person who will not deal with the loss and bereavement of a loved one in their life – it is a personal, unique and subjective process. Showing patience, understanding and support for those who are grieving are the key to dealing with the process in a healthy way and the right way to help the grieving person adapt to the new reality of their life. Pay attention to the intensity of the reactions and their changes over time, in order to assess the need to seek professional help.

Common reactions to grief and loss

  • Emotional and cognitive reactions

    • Sadness and pain
    • Emotional numbness
    • Intense longing
    • Anger and frustration
    • Guilt and blame
    • Deep loneliness ("A stranger wouldn't understand this")
    • Detachment from reality ("I am here and not here")
    • Emptiness
    • Confusion
    • Memory problems
    • Loss of sense of time
    • Difficulty thinking logically

  • Physical and behavioral reactions

    • Changes in appetite
    • Nausea
    • Difficulty sleeping
    • Fatigue
    • Weakness
    • Dysfunction
    • Avoidance of activities and interpersonal relationships
    • Lack of control
    • Suspicion

Remember

Remember

These reactions are a natural part of the coping process and saying goodbye to a loved one. There is no need or point in fighting them or being ashamed of them.

The grieving process

Grief is a natural process during which a person adapts to living with and alongside loss. Over the years, the approach to expected reactions in situations of loss has focused either on the functional aspects or on the emotional aspects. The Israeli psychologist Professor Shimshon Rubin proposed an approach that combines the two concepts, an approach that gives expression to both aspects, the functional and the emotional, which also include the continued connection with the deceased.

Prof. Rubin's model focuses on two parallel axes in the grieving process:

  • Addressing functioning and the way in which the person is affected by the loss: Biopsychosocial functioning, with an emphasis on sleep and eating patterns, general health, coping and adaptation mechanisms and strategies, ability to deal with stress, move between different moods, participate in relationships and connections. This axis also includes moods, self-esteem and self-image, functioning at work and with others, relationships and building meaning.
  • Addressing the connection with the person who passed away: Out of the understanding that this connection necessarily continues to exist even after death. This axis includes thoughts and dreams, communication (of any kind), giving expression to traditions, values ​​and hobbies that represent and shape memories, and more. The understanding today is that death ends a life, but does not end relationships. Connections with people dear to us continue to exist even when one of their partners is no longer alive. We have influence over the continuity, intensity, and frequency of the relationship, as it is a dynamic process that evolves and changes over time.

Coping with grief and relieving mental pain

Patience, understanding, love, and support are essential in the grieving process, as is self-compassion.

Self-compassion is made up of three principles:

Acknowledgement

Acknowledging what we are experiencing without rejection or trying to obscure it.

Understanding

Understanding that suffering is part of human existence (it is a universal experience).

Inner speech

Beneficial inner speech of gentle understanding and a benevolent approach inward.

Recommendations for coping with grief

Grief is an active process and we can influence the way we grieve. Thus, for example, we can determine who we want by our side during the period following the loss, we can decide whether and what mourning rituals or customs we will adopt or create, and what are the ways to continue the connection with the deceased.

Family, friends, support groups or therapy can be of great help and provide a supportive shoulder during these difficult times.

Actions to preserve the memory of the person who is no longer with us, for example talking about them, creating an album with photos from their life, erecting a monument or headstone, an annual day of remembrance, and so on.

With loss, sometimes the zest for life or faith in tomorrow also collapses. Therefore, there is real healing value in a renewed search for meaning. Sometimes acts of commemoration can cast renewed meaning, but not necessarily. In other cases, renewed meaning can be expressed in family choices, in expressing values ​​that one wants or needs to adhere to, and more.

One of the recommended ways to reduce stress and anxiety and release tension is physical activity. During physical activity, hormones are released that help to feel good physically, for example endorphins, which are called "happiness hormones" or "nature's pain relievers", serotonin, which is considered a mood stabilizer, and dopamine, which is the reward hormone.

Psychological therapy can help with processing grief and coping effectively.

When to seek help

When the acute reactions to loss (as mentioned above) last over at least six months, and it is evident that there is an intense preoccupation with the deceased person or the circumstances of his death, along with a reduction in other aspects of life – this may be a state of "complex grief". In these situations, it is recommended to involve a therapist with knowledge and expertise in situations of loss and bereavement.

Red flags

  • Traumatic grief: May be a predictor of the development of complex grief, but not necessarily. Most people who deal with grief, even if it occurred under traumatic circumstances, will not develop symptoms of complex grief.
  • Suicidal behaviors: Thoughts, behaviors, or intentions aimed at avoiding suffering and pain.
  • Substance use: A tendency to use alcohol, drugs, or medications to "calm down" and suppress the pain, which can lead to addiction and self-neglect.
  • Eating disorders: Excessive or significant depletion of food intake.
  • Depressed or sad mood most of the day: Including feelings of worthlessness, loss of interest, increased sleep.

Medication for grief and loss

Medication is not the default approach for coping with grief and loss. Grief is a normal emotional response, not a mental disorder, so there is generally no reason for medication—even if the experience is painful and difficult.

However, in cases of intense grief, depression, or the development of severe mental health conditions related to grief and its circumstances, medication may help. Medication cannot resolve or prevent the grieving process, and it cannot “cure” the inevitable feelings of loss and pain. It can provide temporary relief, which is why it is best combined with emotional support or therapy.

If you feel the need for help, it is recommended to reach out to professionals for proper guidance.

Although grief involves deep sadness and pain, and loss has no expiration date, it is possible to learn to live with it. The key is to allow yourself to grieve, to accept the wide range of normal reactions, and to recognize that grieving is an active process. This approach can make coping easier over time.

It is not possible to “recover” from loss—death is not an illness, and grief is not a symptom. Death is part of life, whether we wish it or not. What we can do is influence how we face it, staying close to ourselves, attentive to our needs, and true to our unique path.

The grieving experience can feel very lonely and isolating, which is why support networks are so important. Human presence stands in contrast to the sense of rupture that accompanies loss. If strong reactions to grief persist over time and distress remains high, it is strongly recommended to seek professional help and not carry the burden alone.

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