A Parent's Guide: Understanding and Supporting Teenagers

As parents of boys and girls during adolescence, we are concerned regarding our relationship with them and how to maintain a healthy connection that allows for openness, dialogue, and the ability to discuss complex issues. Often, parents may feel that the approaches they used until today are no longer relevant and are not age-appropriate. We wish to maintain a healthy connection, encourage independence, and manage to set boundaries. However, how do we do that in light of the challenges of adolescence?

It's just a phase on the way to maturity

First, it is important to recognize that adolescence is a crucial developmental stage in the transition between childhood and adulthood. Adolescence can now potentially begin as early as age 10 and involves not only physical maturation but also emotional and cognitive development. During this developmental period, individuals start establishing their place and opinions, grapple with questions of identity, contemplate their future, develop a more significant social network, and encounter experiences that reflect the adult world.

Every adolescent experiences adolescence quite differently, reflecting their character, environment, and support system. At the beginning of adolescence, arguments with adults, particularly parents, are frequent, as well as stubbornness, sensitivity to criticism, and boundary testing. Later, identity issues will emerge, concerning the adolescent's individuality compared to parents and peers, the development of a personal value system, and the aspiration to organize their schedule based on individual preferences. Additionally, it is very common to see a change in sleep hours (they go to sleep late, find it difficult to get up in the morning, and when they have time, sleep until noon), a change in the family-friends balance, much more time spent in front of the screen or with friends, and more.

Since adolescence is characterized by all these expressions, it is sometimes difficult to identify when your child experiences significant emotional or social distress, or when it is normal adolescent behavior.

Challenges and difficulties in the face of a complex reality

In recent years, there has been a growing awareness of mental health, along with a troubling increase in the number of adolescents experiencing distress and mental health diagnoses.

In recent years, our adolescents have been dealing with a complex situation of instability and daily worries, including the COVID-19 pandemic and the war. During this period, many teenagers have experienced social isolation, traumas, and altered routines. Some of them were even directly impacted by the implications of terror and prolonged fighting. Many parents are enlisted in the war and are dealing with dilemmas and anxieties typical of this complex period, naturally affecting the family structure.
Moreover, adolescents today live in a world significantly different from the one their parents knew, mostly because they are constantly exposed to media and social networks. The digital space lets them connect with friends and explore a variety of interests; however, it also puts them at risk for things like emotional overload, addiction, etc. It is important to discuss the use of digital space to find the right balance with a diverse leisure routine that includes social gatherings, physical activity, and meaningful activities.

If you are still concerned that screens have taken over your teenager's life, it is best to seek counseling and professional help, such as a pediatrician, school counselor, psychologist, or educational and clinical psychologist. They can offer you guidance on how to help your teen establish a more diverse routine. Encourage your teen to diversify their leisure activities, engage in regular physical activity, meet friends, and set healthy limits to screen time. It is also important to encourage them not to sleep with their phone nearby, but instead establish a relaxing bedtime routine such as taking a shower, reading, listening to music, etc. If they have been exposed to threatening, offensive, or traumatic content, reassure them that they can always share it with you, receive your support, get your help, or seek professional help. Work together to think about minimizing the impact of challenging content and coping with it.

Warning signs that are important to know

Several signs and behaviors necessitate professional intervention:

• Significant behavioral changes, such as dropping out of school, dangerous loitering, social isolation, and lack of communication with the environment.
• Changes in eating patterns and body image, such as unsupervised diets, intentional vomiting, excessive physical activity, and negative body image.
• Emotional difficulties and moods: persistent sadness, uncontrolled anger outbursts, irritability that continues the day or reaches emotional extremes, mood swings, and excessive and destructive self-criticism.
• Frequent physical complaints: Including headaches, stomach aches, and other complaints without a clear medical explanation.
• Severe distress signs: including substance and alcohol use, self-harm, suicidal thoughts or actions, long sleepless nights, delusions, or auditory hallucinations (hearing voices).

In summary, it should be emphasized that while adolescence can be challenging for both you and your children, it is important to remember that it is a temporary and natural phase leading to healthy growth. The challenges, arguments, stress, and concerns are part of a process through which your adolescent develops their sense of self and independence. Your love, consistent presence, and ability to be there for them, even during challenging times, are their compass that helps them successfully navigate the storm of adolescence. Remember, you are not alone; many families encounter similar challenges; and there are professionals available to provide support and guidance. With much patience, understanding, and love, you and your children will emerge stronger from this period with an even deeper and more meaningful family bond.