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Starting First Grade

Gili Dadon Rave, Clinical Psychologist, Mental Health Division, Meuhedet Health Services
21 November 2024

The transition to first grade is a significant phase of childhood, evoking both excitement and apprehension. Children starting first grade often experience mixed emotions – excitement and joy at feeling “grownups, but also insecurity about the transition into a new and unfamiliar environment.

To help your child navigate this complex period and adapt successfully, it is recommended to gradually prepare them for the new reality, while presenting school in a positive light.

Proper preparation involves familiarizing your child with the school's layout, preparing necessary school supplies together, and helping them adjust to their new daily routine before the start of the school year. It is recommended to provide children with a sense of security, control, and calmness while reassuring them that they are trusted and that you are there to support them. It is also advisable to express interest in their feelings and to offer emotional support. At the same time, it is important to minimize any natural stress and concern about the transition and avoid stressful conversations.

Parents know their children best; therefore, it is important to be aware of any adjustment difficulties or signs of distress. If such issues arise, it is advisable to involve the school staff and even consider seeking professional help.

Ultimately, the main goal is to accept children as they are, believe in their abilities, support them throughout the process, and remember that this is a normal transition that each child navigates in their own unique way.

Farewells and transitions are an integral part of everyone's life. For some individuals, a change of framework is easier, while for others it is a stressful or even intimidating event. Among all the common transitions during childhood, the most substantial transition is the move from kindergarten to first grade.

Many attribute to it such significant importance that it can sometimes be challenging to view it as just a normal transition in the typical developmental sequence. It is undoubtedly an exciting step, allowing our child to perceive and understand the world differently. However, this transition is comparable to other milestones, such as moving from crawling to walking or adjusting to kindergarten or daycare for the first time.

The reason is likely due to the expectations and concerns arising from school learning, and from educational, behavioral, and social requirements, and, naturally, the first contact of children with professionals they have not encountered before.
If your child is facing this transition to first grade you must be extremely excited as well as concerned. This is the time to realize how to help them at this time; how to cope with your feelings and not allow them to impact your child; and how your emotional support can facilitate a smoother and easier passage.

The following article provides all the necessary information for the transition to first grade, offers tools and insights to help with the process and addresses a variety of emotional and practical aspects.

A new transition with mixed emotions

When a child starts first grade, they usually encounter the school's layout and older children for the first time. This experience may make them feel insecure or a bit "lost". On the other hand, they may also take joy in finally joining the "big kids" building, which they have previously only observed from the outside.

Most schools recognize the potential difficulties of this transition and make efforts to create a sequence of activities similar to those from kindergarten, both in type and length. Children are typically less concerned with identity dilemmas and the broader implications of starting first grade. Instead, they focus more on being excited about the new beginning, including the backpack, the educational materials, uniform their new classmates.

If we focus on the children's difficulties, their main concern and fear usually stem from the unknown. Specifically, they have to adjust to the school experience from the following aspects:

  • Rules and concepts they are unfamiliar with, such as "bell ringing", "lessons". and "breaks".
  • Older children they encounter in the school corridors.
  • The school's layout is typically larger than the kindergarten and may be confusing at first.
  • Educational and behavioral expectations from the educational staff.
  • The desire to establish new friendships.
  • Success and failure in their studies.
  • Breaks between classes, especially how to avoid being alone during these times.

Fear versus excitement

Several factors determine whether the experience will be negative or positive for your child. The first is their character and resilience. Parents know their children best and can predict the future; Shy children who find it difficult to adjust to new places will probably struggle during the transition to first grade, and it is important to prepare for that. Children who are more open and adaptable to changes are likely to make new friends fairly quickly and adjust more easily.

The second factor is the parents' attitude towards the transition to school. If you manage to minimize stress and your concern and present school in a positive light, there is a good chance that your child will also view the transition as a positive and even enjoyable experience. However, if your attitude is stressful, with statements like "the games are over; now you have to study", it may make the beginning more challenging and increase their anxiety about the future.

The best way to help children transitioning to first grade is by encouraging them to imagine what the new environment will be like and to think about the skills they acquired in kindergarten that may help them in first grade. It is advisable to explain that school is the continuation of their kindergarten experiences, that it is the next stage appropriate for their age, and that further advanced stages will follow. The goal is to provide them with a sense of security and confidence, reassuring them that they are trusted to adapt to this new framework.

Past experiences resurface

As a parent, your own school experiences, and your ability to adapt to authoritative frameworks can influence your reaction to your child's transition to first grade. For example, when facing learning difficulties or challenges in adjusting to first grade, some parents unintentionally project their own past experience onto their child's situation, responding with feelings of failure or even distress.

Additionally, it is important to recognize that it is natural for questions and concerns from your school experiences to resurface, such as: Is my child ready for the transition to first grade? Will other children like them? Will the teachers appreciate their skills and abilities? Will the school show patience and understanding, even for naughty behavior? etc.

And if all these worries were not enough, parents often, unintentionally, see their child as a kind of "ambassador" of the family and worry that they might embarrass them or damage the family's good reputation.

Appropriate parental preparation

To avoid "falling" into these patterns and successfully separate your personal past experiences from your child's experience, it is initially important to be aware of the possibility of this happening and implement several rules and recommendations:

What should you do?

Initiate preparation activities for the school year that can be performed together, such as purchasing school materials, choosing a backpack and pencil case, and covering the notebooks and textbooks.

Familiarizing the child with the new school building is particularly important. Some children may already be acquainted with the school because they visited with their kindergarten, came to see an older sibling's class, or participated in afternoon activities there. If your child is not familiar with the building, it is recommended to visit it for a brief orientation before the school year begins.

It is advisable to help your child gradually adjust to a routine that aligns with the school's schedule. Avoid doing this under pressure or threats (e.g., "if you don't go to sleep early, you will not be able to get up in the morning and will fail in school"). Instead, prepare a schedule with stages before the end of the vacation. For example, set a routine for finishing afternoon activities, preparing the next day's class materials, having dinner, showering, and going to bed. As the first day of school approaches, work together to prepare the class schedule, pencil case, and clothes.

Knowing your child, you can anticipate certain challenges and try to address them in advance. For example, if your child is extremely shy and struggles with social interaction or new beginnings, you might ask the teacher if you can help prepare the classroom for the school year. This can help facilitate bonding between the teacher and your child. Another option is to arrange a playdate with a classmate before school starts. You might also ask that your child be seated next to this classmate to give your child a greater sense of security and confidence. To facilitate contact with classmates, ask the teacher to review the list of children to identify those who live nearby and obtain their phone numbers. Another issue that might require parental attention is a challenge that stems from a different direction. Some children can read or write before starting first grade. These children might become bored in class, leading to behavioral issues, or be less liked due to jealousy from their peers. In this situation, it is advisable to consult the teacher and try and find a solution. One option is to agree with the child that when they complete their regular classwork, even if it seems boring, they will receive workbooks or other activities.

In the first days of school, it is advisable to accompany your child to school and display confidence and joy. Some children require longer accompaniment; therefore, it is important to provide them with this response and not be afraid of staying in school longer than other parents. It is not a sign of failure or a 'stepping stone to the future', but simply a temporary measure to help with the transition.

What should you not do?

Do not stress out

Avoid telling children facing transition to first grade stressful sentences about the imminent change ("no more games, now is the time to study").

Accept them as they are

Do not expect your child all of a sudden to be different from what and who they are. Each child has a unique character and traits. It is important to be understanding and help them with challenging issues.

Avoid comparisons

It is important not to make comparisons to other children both within and outside the family.

The first schooldays

The first days of school are a significant time for the children's adjustment to the new system. It is important to create a steady morning routine that includes breakfast and getting organized calmly. At the end of each day, it is advisable to dedicate some time to listening to the child's experiences, to being attentive to their feelings, and to expressing interest. The way to obtain information about their day is not to ask a general question such as "How was school?" but rather to ask more specific questions targeted at the child's experiences, such as "Who did you play with in the first break?" or What did you study in math?". Another good way is to share your own experiences from your day and to encourage them to share as well.

It is important to remember that children's experiences are sometimes composed of infantile insight and from contexts that are not necessarily logical to adults. It is advisable not to be judgmental and to take even seemingly insignificant things seriously, and of course, to praise efforts and progress, no matter how small.

Difficulties, fears, and distress

Transitioning to first grade may cause some children various emotional difficulties that may lead to outbursts, crying, anger, and even a lack of discipline in class. The best way to address these difficulties is to be there for them and to express curiosity about their feelings and well-being. However, some children find it difficult to talk and share, and their parents only see the problematic behaviors. It is important to encourage and support them, and if you cannot overcome these issues by yourself, seek professional consultation outside of school, such as with your HMO that offers responses for emotional difficulties, or even with your general practitioner, who knows the child and will recommend appropriate assistance.

Other potential issues during this significant transition to elementary school include bedwetting or an increase in physical complaints, such as headaches, stomach aches, etc. It is important to know that such issues may indicate great distress and should be treated accordingly.

Most importantly: confidence and trust

Perhaps the most important thing a child needs during their first days of first grade is a genuine sense of confidence and trust from their parents. It is important to provide your child with the confidence to be who they are and feel proud about it. If your child tends to be disorganized, do not expect them not to lose anything during the first few days, but rather prepare extra materials and be patient. If your child is shy, try not to ask them on the first day who they have made friends with and encourage them to express themselves by saying that they are okay with taking their time to make friends. Reassure them that they will find their best friends eventually.