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Emotional Coping Over the Holidays: How to Navigate the Holiday Season Successfully

Ms. Revital Ordan, Psychiatric Nurse and Director of Ambulatory Services, Mental Health Division, Ministry of Health
9 April 2025

While many view the holiday season as a time of joy and family reunions, others may grapple with complex emotions. "Holiday blues" is a common experience that can lead to feelings of anxiety, sadness, tension, restlessness, trouble sleeping, fatigue, overeating or loss of appetite, and even substance use in order to relax.

One reason for this struggle is the gap between your internal feelings and the appearances you feel pressured to maintain: the expectation to be happy, impress others, and create a picture-perfect holiday—even when your heart feels differently.

This year, in light of the mental toll from the events of October 7th and the Swords of Iron War, nearly every household in Israel carries concerns for the well-being of loved ones, along with the pain and longing for those we lost too soon. It’s possible that this year, due to the many challenges, the gap between external expectations and internal emotions will narrow a bit, allowing for conversations about sorrow, pain, or longing at the holiday table without the need to pretend everything is perfect.

It's important to recognize that there is no such thing as a perfect holiday or a perfect family, and every feeling you have is valid.

How to cope with complex feelings during the holiday seasons

What can you do to help yourself out?

  • Manage your expectations without striving for perfection.
  • Create a flexible schedule that allows for rest and relaxation.
  • Avoid generalizations; acknowledge the complexity of the situation while also recognizing strengths and positive moments.
  • Foster a holiday atmosphere that suits you and your family, despite the natural tendency to compare yourselves to others.

If you find it too hard to cope, reach out for help. There are many support options available, including emotional support hotlines and various therapy services.

The holiday season is a special time, but it’s not always easy.

For many of us, the holiday season brings excitement and happiness, gatherings with family and friends, and a festive atmosphere. However, sometimes behind this ideal picture lie complicated and even difficult feelings. As the holiday season approaches, some people experience anxiety, sadness, tension, agitation, trouble sleeping, exhaustion, overeating or loss of appetite, and some even turn to substances to relax.

The holidays can be hard for some people—and that’s perfectly okay.

While the term "holiday blues" isn't a clinical term, it describes a common experience: emotional struggles that arise during the holidays when we're surrounded by people who expect us to be joyful and participate in celebrations. This is not a minor issue; it's a real challenge that many face.

One reason for the holiday blues is the gap between how we feel inside and the image we project or are expected to project: feelings of joy, harmony, and a picture-perfect holiday celebration. The pressure to meet social expectations, to appear happy, to host, and to feel festive often leads to stress and frustration.

This year, following the mental coping with the events of October 7th and the Swords of Iron War, nearly every household in Israel is dealing with worry, fear, loss, or longing. It’s possible that this year, due to the many challenges, the gap between external expectations and internal emotions will be smaller, allowing for conversations about sorrow, pain, or longing at the holiday table without the need to pretend to be happy and hide our true feelings.

If the holiday season is tough for you, know that it's a natural and normal feeling shared by many. In this article, we’ll offer some recommendations for ways to ease this period and help you get through the holiday season peacefully.

The impact of the holidays on mental health

The holidays bring a mix of emotions: joy, anticipation, and sometimes tension, sadness, or feelings of loneliness. The reasons for these feelings vary from person to person and can stem from complicated family gatherings or the lack thereof. Some feel emotional strain to "put on their best face," while others may feel isolated as everyone around them celebrates. Here are some common reasons that explain why the holidays can stir up such strong and complex emotions:

Holiday seasons are often filled with family and social gatherings that can create emotional strain and require us to be on our best behavior as we navigate complex relationships. Often, the difficulty stems from a disconnect between our inner feelings and how we perceive and interpret the social settings. For example, someone might feel deep anguish, and when they see others laughing and singing, they may wonder, "How can they just carry on?"

Some feel pressure to "look successful" or deal with conflicts—whether open or hidden—along with intergenerational tensions and clashing values. All of this can lead to feelings of anger, alienation, and loneliness during gatherings. Conversely, some feel lonely simply because they are by themselves, missing time with family and friends, especially when they see others enjoying meals and celebrations in their neighborhoods.

The holiday season often brings a slew of expenses, including gifts, new festive clothes, and costs associated with hosting and leisure activities. These expenses can be stressful, especially during tough financial times. Some people feel societal pressure to spend beyond their means, leading to feelings of anxiety, helplessness, and inadequacy.

The disruption of daily routines can be particularly challenging for those who struggle with mental health, those who have established stabilizing routines, or those who find security in their daily schedules. The holidays and vacations can undermine this stability, especially now when many of us crave consistency and certainty. This change can threaten the stability we've worked hard to achieve.

Holidays are a time for gatherings, often with people from our past or those whose presence stirs up feelings of nostalgia or loss, bringing back memories of separation or complicated relationships. Sometimes, the holidays serve as a mirror reflecting the changes in our lives: those who are gone, things that have been and won’t return, dreams that never came true. Thus, the holidays can evoke deep sorrow, mixed emotions, and contemplation on the meaning of life.

Society and our surroundings often create strict and unrealistic expectations around the holidays. People feel immense pressure to meet these social standards.

  • Outwardly, these expectations include presenting a perfect appearance, a beautifully decorated home, impressive and expensive gifts, and a stylish, tailored wardrobe.
  • Inwardly, we are expected "to be happy" and "to have a perfect holiday." In times of war, is there an expectation to be "happy, but not too much"?

Recommendations for the holiday season

There is no one right way to cope with complex feelings during the holidays. Each of us has our own way of coping. Still, some tips can help us navigate the holiday season healthily during these challenging times. Most importantly, it’s essential to remember that there is no "perfect holiday" and no feelings that "we should feel." The holidays are not a time of perfect joy for anyone.

In some traditional societies, there's an expectation that everyone will actively participate in family gatherings, observe customs, and follow societal norms. In American culture, which often emphasizes individualism, there's a belief that flexibility and acceptance of the individual within the family and society are more legitimate. However, in today's world, where social media plays a huge role in our lives, there’s immense pressure to create an idealized and picture-perfect holiday. It's hard to predict how this year's holiday will look. It may be less "glamorous" and happy and more about "togetherness" and "values." Still, high expectations and constant comparisons aren't going away anytime soon.

It's crucial to recognize that the perfect picture isn't always what it seems. Focus on yourself, your family, and your close friends to appreciate both the complexities and the strengths of your relationships. Despite the human tendency to compare ourselves to others, aim to create a holiday atmosphere that feels right for you and your loved ones. Keep in mind that things may not always go smoothly. Even with your best efforts, you might find the holiday season complicated and not necessarily enjoyable. It's okay to acknowledge these feelings and see them as valid and temporary.

Ways to cope with complicated emotions over the holidays

  • Achievable expectations
  • Self care
  • Daily routine
  • Sharing
  • Perspective
  • 1
    Set achievable expectations for yourself and plan ahead

    Manage your expectations and don't strive for the perfect holiday. Create a flexible schedule that allows for relaxation, regular downtime, and enjoyable activities.

  • 2
    Take care of yourself

    Establish clear boundaries in advance for any tricky situations. Don’t hesitate to say "no" when necessary; avoid taking on too much, and remember to listen to your own needs.

  • 3
    Stick to a daily routine

    Try your best to maintain your daily schedule and activities during the holiday season, which can be disruptive. Aim to keep regular sleep hours, stay active, and eat a balanced diet.

  • 4
    Share

    Sometimes it helps to share your struggles with someone close to you. This can lead to finding solutions and accommodations, and you may realize you’re not alone—others experience similar challenges.

  • 5
    Keep perspective

    Just like the idea of a perfect holiday isn’t realistic, neither is the notion of a completely miserable one. Find a viewpoint that works for you. Break down the big picture into smaller parts, whether it’s people, situations, or events. Instead of saying, "I hate Passover and it’s a nightmare," you might say, "I can handle the seder, but the festive meals throughout the holiday are overwhelming." In a family gathering, rather than saying, "It’s hard for me to see everyone," try, "I’d prefer to see Aunt Sara, but not Aunt Rachel," or "I can only stay for the family meal for an hour and a half, not five."

Remember, the holidays are just a fleeting moment in life—a chance to pause, reflect, and take care of yourself. There’s no perfect holiday, no perfect family, and no "right" or "wrong" feelings. Every emotion and human experience are valid, and we can all find meaning and even moments of joy during the holiday season. If you feel overwhelmed, don’t hesitate to seek help. There are various support options available, including emotional support hotlines and therapy services. Here is more information about self-administered emotional first aid and where to turn for help in case of emotional distress.