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Tantrums

20 July 2026

Tantrums are one of the most common phenomena in child development. They usually appear between the ages of 18 months and 4 years, with a peak around ages 2–3, and occur equally among boys and girls. A tantrum can include crying, screaming, kicking, lying on the floor, or throwing objects — and may sometimes happen without any early warning.

The main reason is developmental: The frontal lobe of the brain, which is responsible for emotional regulation and impulse control, is still not fully developed in early childhood. When toddlers become emotionally overwhelmed — due to tiredness, hunger, frustration, or changes in routine — they do not yet have enough tools to stop themselves and respond in a controlled way.

During a tantrum, it is important to remain calm, maintain safety and boundaries, and avoid yelling, threats, or giving in to the child’s demands. In the long term, to reduce the frequency of tantrums, it is important to maintain a consistent routine, name different emotions, prepare children in advance for transitions, and provide positive reinforcement when the child behaves appropriately.

In most cases, tantrums decrease as language develops and emotional maturity increases. However, it is recommended to seek professional advice if tantrums are very frequent, involve self-harm or harm to others, continue beyond the expected age, or are accompanied by difficulties with communication, sleep, or adjustment.

There are moments in parenting that are difficult to prepare for, even when we know they may happen, and no parent is immune to them: a child lying on the floor at the supermarket and screaming at the top of their lungs, throwing toys in every direction, or crying and struggling in a way that feels impossible to stop. What most parents feel in that moment is a mix of many emotions at once, such as frustration, embarrassment, worry, helplessness, shame, tiredness, and sometimes even anger — and that is completely understandable and natural.

Most parents have experienced at least once the feeling that they are doing something wrong, or that their child is different from other children. But the truth is that tantrums are one of the most common and well-known parts of child development, and in most cases they pass with age.

What Is a Tantrum?

A tantrum, also known as an emotional outburst, is an intense burst of emotions that a child is unable to control in that moment. It may involve crying, screaming, lying on the floor, kicking, biting, throwing objects, refusing to cooperate, or any combination of these behaviors. Sometimes it happens without warning and with an intensity that surprises even the most experienced parent.

Tantrums usually begin between the ages of 18 months and 4 years and are especially common around ages 2 and 3. They occur equally among boys and girls.

Although tantrums are especially common in early childhood, they can also occur at older ages, particularly during periods of change, tiredness, emotional stress, language difficulties, sensory regulation difficulties, or situations in which the child is still learning to cope with boundaries.

Overwhelming Emotions And Difficulty Stopping

During a tantrum, a child is not always able to listen to explanations, understand logic, or calm down easily. From the outside, it may look like defiance, manipulation, or a personal attack. But in most cases, it is actually an experience of being overwhelmed by strong emotions, physical tension, difficulty stopping, an inability to think logically, and difficulty using words.

The explanation for tantrums is found in the development of a young child’s brain: the frontal lobe, the part of the brain responsible for emotional regulation and impulse control, is still not fully developed. This means that when young children become emotionally overwhelmed, they do not yet have enough ability and tools to stop, think logically, and behave in a socially acceptable way — even if they want to.

In addition, young children often strive for independence and control over their environment much more than they can realistically achieve. Sometimes the desire to do everything themselves or make their own decisions conflicts with the natural limits of reality. In these situations, a tantrum may occur.

In many cases, other factors can also make tantrums more likely or more intense, such as tiredness, hunger, sudden changes in routine, transitions between activities, too much stimulation, frustration, or boredom.

In most cases, as children develop, their language skills improve, and they learn to express themselves with words, tantrums gradually become less frequent.

What to do during a tantrum

  • Yelling, threats, or humiliation: These behaviors will only make the situation more intense.
  • Shaming or criticizing: “You’re acting like a baby,” “Stop right now” — phrases like these, even when they are completely understandable reactions, are usually not helpful and may sometimes make the situation worse.
  • Giving the child what they want just to stop the crying: Even if it may seem like the easiest and most effective way to solve the situation, this can be a serious mistake — the child may learn that this behavior helps them get what they want.
  • Long explanations during a tantrum: When emotions take over, the brain is not always able to listen to a parent. Explanations should wait until the situation has calmed down and the child is able to focus again.

What to do between tantrums: long-term strategies

Children function better when their daily routine is predictable. Regular meal times, consistent sleep schedules, and planned activities help reduce tiredness and hunger — two major triggers for tantrums.

As early as possible, try to help your child describe and understand their feelings: “You are sad because it is time to leave,” “I can see that you are really frustrated right now.” Children who learn over time to identify what they are feeling are better able to express themselves in less intense ways.

Offer children simple and limited choices, for example: “Would you like to eat on the blue chair or the purple one?” “Would you like to leave now or in five minutes?” These types of questions give children a sense of control within safe boundaries.

Toddlers have difficulty with sudden transitions. It is important to give them advance notice and an opportunity to prepare (“We are leaving for home in a few minutes”).

Children who receive attention from their parents, even without a specific reason, are less likely to seek it through other behaviors.

When your child behaves well, it is helpful to acknowledge it and describe what they did. For example, instead of saying “Good job,” it is better to say: “I’m proud of you for waiting patiently. That wasn’t easy.”

After the child has completely calmed down — not during the tantrum and not immediately afterward — you can have a short and simple conversation about what happened: “What did you feel?” “What was difficult?” Asking these types of questions over time helps build emotional skills.

Parents Are Human Too

During a tantrum, especially in a public place, it is not only the child who becomes overwhelmed. Parents can feel overwhelmed too. This is natural. Sometimes there is accumulated tiredness, stress, embarrassment from other people’s reactions, or a feeling that you need to “prove” you are in control.

You do not have to respond perfectly. Even if you raised your voice, lost patience, felt confused, or reacted differently than you wanted to — you can repair it. After things have calmed down, you can simply say: “I was having a hard time earlier and I yelled. Next time, I’ll try to speak more calmly.” This is also an important lesson: It is okay to make mistakes, you can repair, apologize, and move forward.

Important to remember

Important to remember

If you feel like you are reaching your limit and about to lose control, this is a good time to ask for help, step away for a moment, talk to someone you trust, and take a break.

When to seek professional help

In most cases, tantrums decrease with age, as language develops and children gain tools for emotional regulation. However, there are situations in which it is recommended to consult a professional.

It is especially important to pay attention in the following situations:

  • Frequency: Tantrums happen many times a day or occur often enough to interfere with the family’s daily routine.
  • Duration: Tantrums last a very long time or are very difficult to end.
  • Harm: Tantrums involve self-harm, harm to others, or repeated destruction of objects.
  • Age: Tantrums continue with high intensity beyond the age when they are typically expected to decrease.
  • Additional difficulties: Tantrums are accompanied by significant difficulties with language, communication, sleep, eating, adjusting to routines or settings, or relationships with other children.
  • Avoidance: Tantrums cause parents to avoid daily activities out of concern that another episode may occur.

Not every unusual tantrum requires an evaluation, but if you feel that tantrums are taking over daily life, getting worse, or causing significant distress at home or in an educational setting, it is recommended to seek advice and support.

You can reach out to your child’s doctor, a Tipat Halav family care center nurse, or a professional at your child’s educational setting.

Seeking help does not mean you have failed. Sometimes, a few conversations, parent guidance, or a developmental evaluation can provide a clearer understanding and offer helpful tools.

In cases of immediate risk of self-harm, harm to others, or a situation in which you cannot keep your child safe, it is important to seek urgent medical help or contact emergency services.

FAQ

Yes, it can happen, but in most cases, the injury is minor. Some children throw themselves on the floor, hit their heads, kick, or run without paying attention to their surroundings. Therefore, during a tantrum, it is important to first ensure the environment is safe: remove dangerous objects, stay nearby, and prevent physical harm if needed. If self-harming behavior happens repeatedly or appears dangerous, it is recommended to seek professional advice.

Sometimes yes, but it depends on the situation. You can reduce attention to the behavior itself and avoid getting into an argument — but it is not recommended to ignore the child, use silent treatment as punishment, or leave a child who is overwhelmed alone in an unsafe place. You can stay nearby, calm and available, without allowing the tantrum to change the boundary.

First, it can help to remind yourself that this happens to many parents. The reactions or looks from people around you are not more important than your child or your ability to stay calm and steady. Try to use few words, keep the environment safe, and, if needed, move to a quieter place. You do not always need to “solve” the situation in front of everyone. Sometimes it is enough to get through the moment without making it worse. You can say: “I can see this is hard for you. Let’s move aside for a moment,” “We are not buying this today. I’m here with you,” or “Maybe we’ll wait until your body calms down, and then we’ll continue.”

In most cases, as children get older, develop language skills, mature emotionally, and experience consistent boundaries, tantrums become less frequent. They do not disappear overnight, and there may be periods when they return with greater intensity, for example, around moving to a new home, the birth of a sibling, starting a new setting, tiredness, or family stress. If tantrums do not decrease, become more severe, or affect daily functioning, it is recommended to seek professional help.

A tantrum by itself does not indicate ADHD, autism, or another diagnosis. Tantrums are also common among children who are developing typically. However, children with communication difficulties, language difficulties, sensory sensitivities, ADHD, autism, or emotional regulation difficulties may experience stronger and more frequent tantrums. Therefore, it is important to look at the bigger picture: communication, language, play, social relationships, sleep, eating, adjustment to changes, and functioning in different settings. If there is a concern, it is recommended to seek a professional evaluation.

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This Is a Phase You Can Get Through

A tantrum can feel like a very big moment — sometimes too big. But in most cases, it is part of a learning process: children are learning how to feel, ask for things, wait, cope with disappointment, and calm themselves. Parents learn what helps, what is less effective, and how to maintain boundaries without losing connection. You do not have to be perfect parents. What matters is staying consistent, calm, knowing when to repair after a difficult moment, and providing love. Over time, as language develops, routines become established, and children learn appropriate skills, most children are better able to cope, and the whole family can breathe a little easier.