Understanding Excessive Crying: Causes and Calming Tips

Parenting changes our lives in so many ways. In this long journey, there are moments of joy, an endless amount of learning and some moments of crisis. Excessive crying of our infants can be one of the moments of crisis. The crying seems to go on for hours. Why is the infant crying? How can we calm them down? It is important to understand the reasons for the crying and learn how to calm down but equally as important, it is important that we identify that we are approaching a moment where we may lose control. This is true for every parent and for those who care for infants, such as grandparents or the nursery school.

Crying as a way of communication

Crying plays a critical role in establishing a bond between you and your infant. At the start of life, crying is one of the most important ways infants have to express their wants and needs. A sensitive and effective response to the needs and cries of infants will help them gain confidence in the adults around them.

In the first 3 months of life, infants generally cry 2-3 hours a day. Infants vary in terms of frequency, duration and intensity of crying, as well as in their personality, mood and ability to self-soothe. Most infants generally cry more in the late afternoon (yes, just when parents are the most tired).

The good news is that in most cases, the infants crying peaks in the first weeks of life. By the age of 3 months, the frequency and intensity of crying steadily decrease. The decrease is attributed to the infant’s development but also to the parents learning how to identify the signs of crying and understanding their needs.

The challenge: excessive crying

Coping with excessive crying is one of the greatest challenges faced by parents of infants and babies. This type of crying that lasts a long time can provoke in parents or caregivers worry, difficulty, frustration, stress and helplessness, particularly when extremely tired. These emotions are natural, familiar and normal, and in no way indicate a problem with the infant or with the parents.

Before we discuss ways to cope with this type of crying, there are several things that are important that you know: infants do not cry because they are spoiled or to irritate people but to communicate their needs. Accordingly, picking up a baby to soothe the crying does not cause them to be spoiled. Additionally, excessive crying is not an indication of poor parenting. It happens to everyone. Over time, we get to know our infant, to identify the various types of crying and to respond accordingly.

Common reasons for crying and coping

When our infants cry, the first thing we must do is check and take care of their basic needs, whether they are hungry, tired or need a diaper change.

If we took care of everything else and the crying continues, check whether anything is causing pain or discomfort: undress the infant and check whether a hair is wrapped around one of his fingers or toes, or whether an insect crawled under his clothes and is bothering him, etc. If the crying continues, the infant may need to be touched, held closely and shown affection.

In addition, there may be surplus stimuli in the environment and occasionally a lack of stimuli. You must check whether a change in the level of stimuli causes the crying to calm down. Also check the surroundings. Make sure that it is not too hot or too cold. Finally, it is important that you pay attention to signs that may indicate illness and check the infant’s temperature.

How to stop crying spells

If the crying continues despite all the various needs having been checked, then:

• Soothe by touching, hugging, caressing, gently rocking, or gently massaging the infant.
• Speak and sing to the infant.
• Cradle the infant in your arms or in another strong position. For example, position the infant so that his stomach is resting on the thumb of our hand (position known as "tiger in the tree").
• Give the infant a warm bath.
• Make calming sounds (such as sounds of water) or play pleasant music.
• Gently rock the baby in a carrier or carriage, or on the hands while supporting the head.
• Take a walk outside. The outdoors helps relax both the infant and the parents.

Every infant needs a different combination of actions to soothe crying, and parents learn from experience what the best way is. These actions can stop the crying or shorten the duration of the crying, but crying may continue for a long time despite all our attempts at soothing. Remember: the crying itself, even if excessive, does not harm infants but demonstrates their need to communicate. If the crying lasts much longer than usual, or if there is a concern of a medical issue, you should seek an examination from the attending physician.

How to calm ourselves

If we are aware of the danger of losing control and know in advance ways that can help us calm ourselves down—if our baby would not stop crying—we can better cope with it.

In the first stage, it is important that we identify that we are close to losing control. In this case, even if the infant continues crying, we cannot calm them down before we calm ourselves (just like with the oxygen mask on a plane: first the parent puts on the mask and only then puts the mask on the child).

In the second stage, try to distance yourself from the situation for a few moments so that you can return with restored energy.

• Place the infant in the crib.
• Go to another room and return to check on the infant every several minutes.
• Take a deep breath and try to calm down.
• Prepare something hot or cold to drink.
• Call someone, a relative, friend, or neighbor, and discuss the difficulty.
• Ask someone you trust for help to take care of the baby while you take a break.

Call a Family Care Center: during operating hours, call the Family Care Center nurses hotline and ask a nurse about what you can do.
Telephone: *5400, choose the routine hotline, and then extension 9.
Operating hours: Sunday through Thursday 16:00 to 21:00, Friday 8:00 to 13:00.

Take care of yourself: if you find it difficult to cope with the crying and caring for the baby, or if you are exhausted and impatient, you should seek emotional assistance or physical therapy (a massage, for example).

Always remember: crying does not kill; shaking does.