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How to Talk to Someone who is Suicidal: Tools and Guidelines

Family caregivers
1 June 2026

Knowing the signs of a suicidal person and not being afraid to ask them openly if they are thinking about committing suicide are important. The myth is not true; direct questions do not "put ideas into their heads." Let them vent and know you care instead. This will help them feel better and remember why they want to commit suicide. More than eighty percent of people who kill themselves first talk to someone in their family. Help them right away if you think someone you know is thinking about committing suicide. You should plan ahead and find a private, quiet place to have this important talk. Also, don't tell the person who is at risk that you will not tell anyone about their suicide thoughts if they have any.

How to talk to someone who is suicidal in an emergency

  • Do's: talking to them in a sensitive and patient way while asking direct questions about their suicidal ideas and plans is important.
  • Don'ts: not caring about how they feel or giving them help. Listen carefully.
  • In case of immediate danger: don't leave this person alone, keep them away from things that could be dangerous, and get medical help right away.

Safety steps to stop suicide

  • Get professional help from people who can offer professional support, guidance, and treatment.
  • Keep people from getting to things that could kill them, like guns, knives, and high windows.
  • Watch the person who is suicidal until the threat is no longer there.
  • Please make sure that there is an adult and responsible person who can continue to watch over and treat them, like a family member.
  • With a short list of tried-and-true ways to deal with stress, make a list of people or groups that person can call when they want to kill themselves.

Are you worried that your son, daughter, partner, or friend is in trouble and might be suicidal? The first thing that can help you is not being afraid to ask questions about suicide. It's important to get ready for this talk, and if you think it will be hard for you, find someone else to do it for you. But you should have this talk right away, because catching someone who is thinking about suicide early can save their life!

Direct questions don't "put ideas in their heads," as the myth says. Instead, they let them talk, vent, and feel like you care. Of these things, all of them can help them feel better and remember why they are living. It's important to know that about 80% of people who killed themselves talked to family or close friends first. It's important to have this talk at the right time, so if you think someone is suicidal, you should treat them right away and not ignore them or put off asking them about their plans.
You should get ready for this important talk ahead of time. We'll talk about how to prepare for this chat, what to say and not say, and what to do if you need professional help.

It's not true that people who talk about suicide don't do anything about it!
Lots of the time, people think that suicide thoughts are just empty words. This is where the idea that "people who talk about suicide don't do it" or "people who want to commit suicide won't talk about it, they'll just do it" comes from. Those statements are definitely not true. People who say things like "I'm sick and tired of everything" should be taken seriously, and we should find out what they really want.

Getting ready for the talk

You should get ready for this talk ahead of time so that you don't freak out over what's being said, which could stop the suicidal person from telling you about their plans. It should be said that you should call the police or the closest emergency room if there is an instant risk of suicide.

Assisting a person in suicidal distress in 4 steps

A brief guide for immediate action in cases of suspected suicide risk:

  • Direct verbal cues: statements such as “I am going to kill myself.”
  • Indirect verbal cues: statements such as “I’m tired of life,” “I can’t go on like this.”
  • Severe changes in mood and behavior: avoidance, withdrawal, anger outbursts and deep sadness, loss of appetite or increased appetite, sleep disturbances, sudden calmness.
  • Suspicious actions that may indicate preparation for suicide: hoarding pills, purchasing firearms, writing farewell letters.
  • Important to know: Asking about suicidal thoughts does not “put ideas into someone’s head.” It instead opens a path to talk about distress and get help.
  • Approach the person and ask directly, honestly, and with care.
  • Show interest in their emotional state and try to understand their distress and needs.
  • Listen without judgment and try to understand their emotional state and needs.
  • Ask a clear, direct question to assess whether suicidal distress is present, for example:
  • “Have you been feeling so sad recently that you really wanted to die?”
  • “Have you ever thought about suicide?”
  • “Are you thinking about killing yourself?”
  • Note: Listen calmly and without judgment. Do not argue with the pain, do not promise that everything will be fine, and do not say things like “you have no reason to feel this way” or “think about your family.” Instead, it is better to say: “I hear that you are in a lot of pain. I’m here with you, and we will look for help together.”
  • If there is suicidal distress, help reduce fears about seeking help. Express concern, care, and willingness to help. Suitable phrases at this stage include:
    • I know it’s hard for you to find hope right now. I just ask that you don’t stay alone with this despair.
    • “Even if it’s hard to see right now, there are people who can and want to help you.”
    • “I know you’re in pain. It doesn’t have to stay this way. There are ways to reduce this pain.”
  • Help ease fears about seeking professional help. Do everything possible to connect the person to a support resource or professional, and offer to accompany them in accessing appropriate help: “I’m here with you, let’s take the next step together.”

You can refer the person to a family doctor, psychiatrist, emergency room, social worker, psychologist, counselor, hotline, and more. However, it is important to emphasize: do not rely only on a general recommendation to seek help. Offer to take active steps together—call together, sit with them while they write a message, accompany them to the emergency room, or contact a family member, friend, or professional who can stay with them.

  • ERAN | Emotional first aid (24/7) | phone or chat 1201
  • Sahar | Online emotional support and listening (24/7)

Note: Even after contacting a support service, it is important to follow up and check on the person you referred. You can send a message, call, and make sure they are not left alone with their distress.

In an immediate emergency situation

In an immediate emergency situation

If you assess that a person is in immediate danger—for example, they say they are about to harm themselves right now, they have a clear plan, they have access to means of self-harm, or you cannot ensure their safety—do not leave them alone. Contact emergency services immediately: MDA 101, police 100, or go to the nearest emergency room or available professional. At the same time, remove or distance potentially lethal means as much as possible, such as medications, weapons, knives, or hazardous substances.

Preparing for the conversation

It is important to prepare for the conversation, mainly so you do not react with panic to what is said, which could discourage the person at risk of suicide from sharing their thoughts or intentions with you. If there is an immediate risk of suicide, it is recommended to contact the police or go to the nearest emergency room.

How to have a talk about suicide

  • Talk as soon as possible
  • Pick the right place
  • Clear some time
  • Prepare information in advance
  • Don't promise confidentiality
  • Avoid giving advice
  • Communicate honestly and sensitively
  • Pay attention
  • When to hold the conversation: As early as possible. When you notice that the person is in distress, it is important to initiate the conversation—do not wait or postpone. Time can be critical here.
  • Choosing an appropriate setting: Choose a quiet place where you can speak privately and freely, without worrying that others will hear the conversation.
  • Duration of the conversation: Make sure to set aside enough time to speak calmly, without time pressure. Do not schedule important commitments right after the conversation; leave room for flexibility.
  • Information and support: Prepare in advance accessible information about sources of help and support. When the person agrees, provide this information or contact one of the support hotlines on their behalf.
  • Confidentiality: The person may often ask you not to disclose their secret or not to tell parents or partners about their intentions. It is important to remember that in cases of suicide risk, confidentiality cannot be guaranteed. You can and should involve the person in distress in deciding who you intend to contact to help them, and explain with a sentence such as: “I need help to help you.”
  • Avoid giving advice, focus on listening. A direct, sensitive, and empathetic conversation without criticism or judgment can allow the person to express their feelings and thoughts and may help prevent a suicide attempt.
  • Honest, sensitive, and caring communication: Choose a soft and supportive tone, and remember that the conversation should still be honest and genuine. You can say that you love them, that they are important to you, that you are worried about them, and that you would be very sad if they were to harm themselves. Maintain eye contact, combine encouraging speech with acknowledgment of their pain and distress, and provide positive feedback also through non-verbal communication such as a smile, touch, body language, and more.
  • Attention and patience: Give full attention during the conversation. Turn off your mobile phone and reduce background noise such as radio, television, and street sounds that may distract you.

Examples of phrases to use in the conversation

Meeting someone who wants to die can be a deeply distressing experience. Finding the right words in such a moment may not be easy. We have outlined here several statements that convey the most important messages to express when speaking with a person at risk of suicide. However, it is important to emphasize that you do not need to strictly adhere to these phrases. Emotional presence and an empathetic, attentive stance are more important than any specific wording. The goal of the conversation is to build mutual trust, closeness, and hope for change, and to show the person that you are fully with them, that you recognize their suffering, and that you are willing and able to speak honestly, listen, understand their distress, and help them.

  • "You are not alone."
  • "I can help you, and I want to help you."
  • "You are important to me."
  • "You are important to your family."
  • "I will be with you."
  • "I understand you."
  • "I believe in you, and I believe things can get better."
  • "There is a way to help you."

Here are some things you can ask during the talk

Again, we want to make it clear that the questions given are only samples. If you are talking to someone who is upset, change these questions to fit that person. Write the questions in your own unique style and wording. If you want to keep the talk going, you can add questions. Also, try to get skilled help.

General questions to start with

Before the talk starts, you can ask questions that are meant to help you figure out what is making them upset.

  • What are you going through?
  • How do you feel today?
  • Has something happened to you lately that made things hard or stressful?

Questions about the trouble and distress

After the person in distress has answered your first question, you might want to ask questions that are meant to find danger factors, such as:

  • From what you've said so far, it sounds like things are hard for you. Since recently, have you been sad, worried, or agitated?
  • You may be pessimistic when you're sad and think that things will not get better. How do you feel about this?
  • When to hold the conversation: As early as possible. When you notice that the person is in distress, it is important to initiate the conversation—do not wait or postpone. Time can be critical here.
  • Choosing an appropriate setting: Choose a quiet place where you can speak privately and freely, without worrying that others will hear the conversation.
  • Duration of the conversation: Make sure to set aside enough time to speak calmly, without time pressure. Do not schedule important commitments right after the conversation; leave room for flexibility.
  • Information and support: Prepare in advance accessible information about sources of help and support. When the person agrees, provide this information or contact one of the support hotlines on their behalf.
  • Confidentiality: The person may often ask you not to disclose their secret or not to tell parents or partners about their intentions. It is important to remember that in cases of suicide risk, confidentiality cannot be guaranteed. You can and should involve the person in distress in deciding who you intend to contact to help them, and explain with a sentence such as: “I need help to help you.”
  • Avoid giving advice, focus on listening. A direct, sensitive, and empathetic conversation without criticism or judgment can allow the person to express their feelings and thoughts and may help prevent a suicide attempt.
  • Honest, sensitive, and caring communication: Choose a soft and supportive tone, and remember that the conversation should still be honest and genuine. You can say that you love them, that they are important to you, that you are worried about them, and that you would be very sad if they were to harm themselves. Maintain eye contact, combine encouraging speech with acknowledgment of their pain and distress, and provide positive feedback also through non-verbal communication such as a smile, touch, body language, and more.
  • Attention and patience: Give full attention during the conversation. Turn off your mobile phone and reduce background noise such as radio, television, and street sounds that may distract you.

Examples of phrases to use in the conversation

Meeting someone who wants to die can be a deeply distressing experience. Finding the right words in such a moment may not be easy. We have outlined here several statements that convey the most important messages to express when speaking with a person at risk of suicide. However, it is important to emphasize that you do not need to strictly adhere to these phrases. Emotional presence and an empathetic, attentive stance are more important than any specific wording. The goal of the conversation is to build mutual trust, closeness, and hope for change, and to show the person that you are fully with them, that you recognize their suffering, and that you are willing and able to speak honestly, listen, understand their distress, and help them.

  • "You are not alone."
  • "I can help you, and I want to help you."
  • "You are important to me."
  • "You are important to your family."
  • "I will be with you."
  • "I understand you."
  • "I believe in you, and I believe things can get better."
  • "There is a way to help you."

Note

Note

Sometimes people are afraid to ask direct questions because they are worried about a positive answer and the responses to these questions. If you are concerned that you do not have the capacity to cope with the answers that you will receive, it is best that you seek professional help and also receive help from another close person who feels that they are capable of doing this.

How not to talk about suicide

It's important to know both what to say and what not to say because some words may hurt more than help. It can be damaging to ignore the suicidal person's thoughts or feelings. Sayings like "enough, don't talk like that," "smile and it will pass," "what's so wrong with your life, you have everything," or even "what nonsense are you talking," "you're not really thinking about doing anything stupid right?" Saying things like this takes away from the fact that you have these feelings, but not the feelings themselves. This ignoring of suicide thoughts hurts the relationship and blocks a good way to talk to each other. You should instead say things like "I understand that this might seem like the only option for you right now" or "I'm with you" to show that you care, listen, and connect, even if you don't agree with the suicide thought.

How not to act when talking about suicide

It's not helpful to argue or say things that put the blame on the other person, like calling their emotional state a burden or saying that someone who is suicidal is a quitter, selfish, or evil. These things will keep you from having an honest conversation and will make the other person close off and not share their true intentions. You could say something like, "Wait, hold on a minute." "Perhaps wait a few more days and make a smart choice" or "I understand and accept that you feel like there's nothing but pain in the world right now." Your pain makes sense.

There are other things you can say, but it's important to stress that real, caring, and helpful listening is more important than any other words.

Note: it is not okay to let them know that you don't want to know! Making such a statement can make the other person feel alone and disconnected, like they can't control their distress, and even worse, they might not get help again. You should tell them that it's normal to be scared of seeing someone you care about who is depressed. Consider getting professional help or talking to close friends or family who you feel comfortable with and can help you if you feel like you can't talk about this.

How hard it is to talk about suicide

Of course, it's awkward to ask someone about suicide thoughts. There are a lot of bad feelings that could come up because of this difficult situation, such as worry, awkwardness, and sadness. Because of this, it is definitely a hard job. It might help you to know that this talk has the power to save lives. You can help someone who is thinking about suicide by being honest and wanting to help them. This can make them feel like they're not alone and that someone is looking out for them. If this is something you need, there are many people who can help you and go with you. Of course, it's awkward to ask someone about suicide thoughts. There are a lot of bad feelings that could come up because of this difficult situation, such as worry, awkwardness, and sadness. Because of this, it is definitely a hard job. It might help you to know that this talk has the power to save lives. You can help someone who is thinking about suicide by being honest and wanting to help them. This can make them feel like they're not alone and that someone is looking out for them. If this is something you need, there are many people who can help you and go with you.

How important it is to get professional help

It's good to listen to someone who is upset, but it's also important to get them to get professional help. No matter how much you want to help, ease the pain, or save lives, there are times when only a professional can do so. So, one of the goals of this talk is to let the person who is struggling know that they are not alone, that you believe in them, that there is hope, that there are solutions, and that one of the most important ones is to get help from someone who specializes in suicidality.

What to do to get help

There is no set way to avoid suicide. If you get the right help, you can avoid it. Once you've heard, shown interest, become close, and built trust, it will be easier to convince the other person to get professional help, which will ease their pain and distress and keep them from committing suicide. You should take the initiative to deal with this. In other words, don't just give them your phone number so they can make a meeting. Based on our past, we think it's likely that this won't happen. Ask the other person if they really do plan to get professional help.

People who don't want to get help should be persuaded to do so, and it's important to stress that you will stay with them until they do. It is important that you follow through on this promise.

You could ask them what is stopping them from getting professional help and help them get past those problems if they don't want to get help.

Here are some more safety steps you should take after the talk

  • Get help from professionals who can offer services such as therapy, counseling, and company.
  • Don't let the person who is suicidal get to guns, knives, high windows, or anything else that could be used to kill them.
  • Stay close to someone who is thinking about committing suicide until they no longer feel so.
  • Tell them that an adult and responsible person, like a family member, will take care of them and make sure they keep getting help.
  • Together with them, make a short list of things that will help them handle any situation and people or groups they can call if they want to kill themselves.

In case of an immediate crisis

In case of an immediate crisis

You should never leave the other person alone, even for a second, if you think that talking to them isn't helpful and that they want to kill themselves right away. You need to take them to the emergency room of the hospital that is closest to you. If that's not possible, call 100 for the cops or 105 if you are a child.

There are also the following helplines you can call:

  • 118 The Ministry of Social Affairs and Social Security.
  • 101 The of Magen David Adom hotline.
  • 106 The municipal hotline.

The requirement to report

You must tell someone if they tell you they want to kill themselves if they tell you. You might feel uneasy, especially if the person told you what they were planning based on trust and maybe asked you not to tell anyone else. No matter what, you have to do it. Sometimes the person who is suicidal may feel betrayed when you report them, but after some time has passed and their life has been saved, they will understand what you did and forgive you.

The following steps are very important to take if you don't call 100 or an emergency room:

  • Talk to professionals who can help you with things like therapy, counseling, and accompaniment.
  • Make sure the person who is distressed can't get to dangerous things like knives, guns, or high windows.

Written in collaboration with the national suicide prevention program staff. Helped with writing: Dr. Shira Barzilai, a clinical psychologist, a senior lecturer in the program for community-based mental health at Haifa University, and Nadav Horovitz, a psychologist with clinical specialization.

Hotlines for mental health first aid

Mental first aid hotlines and support groups for people who are having emotional problems or are thinking about suicide. It's okay to call without giving your name, and the help you get is free.

List of support and help lines on the government services website

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