Family and Parenting in Coping With a Crisis

If there is one thing the past few years have taught us, it is that life does not always unfold according to plan. Just when it seemed we had adjusted to one reality, a new one arrived. Uncertainty, rapid change, social and political tensions, war, and financial concerns have become part of daily life for many of us.

Today, the expectations placed on parents seem higher than ever. Alongside love, fulfillment, and a sense of purpose, parenting is also relentless physical and emotional work—with no real breaks or vacations. Parents must get up in the morning, prepare dinner, calm fears, set boundaries, and keep the household running, all while coping with what is happening outside the home: war, uncertainty, and ongoing stress.

Many parents report emotional exhaustion, heightened alertness, difficulty concentrating, irritability, a sense of losing control, and sometimes less patience with their children. In addition, many experience a gap between how they would like to function and what they are actually able to do as parents. They ask themselves: What will my children remember about these years? What did we do right, and what did we miss? And a question that nearly every parent asks when willing to say it out loud: Did I do enough?

The short answer is: yes. Your presence—even when you were tired, even when you did not know what to say—matters more than anything.

British psychoanalyst Dr. Donald Winnicott coined the term “the good enough mother,” which was later expanded in professional literature to “the good enough parent” to reflect the role of both parents. The idea is not about being perfect. It is about being a parent who can remain a stable and reliable presence for their children most of the time, even when tired, overwhelmed, or mistaken.

Children do not need a parent who projects an image of perfection. In fact, emotional development can be hindered when the adult beside them never shows emotion, never struggles, and never acknowledges that things can be difficult for them too.

Children know more than we think—and that is okay

Many parents try to hide their anxiety, worry, and stress from their children. This is a natural parental instinct. However, children—even very young ones—often notice what is left unsaid: tension in a parent's voice, a pause in breathing when the radio is turned on, or a facial expression when a phone is quietly set aside.

The more we try to protect children from reality through silence, the more they may fill in the missing information with their imagination—and a child's imagination can often be more frightening than reality.

So what should you share? Basic facts, in simple language: “Yes, there is a war. We are safe right now. We are taking care of you.” What should you keep to yourself? Details that a child cannot process, fears that you have not yet worked through yourself, and anxieties that serve no helpful purpose.

The important message is that you do not have to pretend everything is normal. It is okay to say: “Things are a little hard for me right now,” “I am worried, but we are together,” or “There are things we do not know, but we are doing what we can to keep ourselves safe.”

What you share should be age-appropriate. Young children need short, simple, and reassuring messages. Teenagers, on the other hand, often benefit from more open conversations and genuine acknowledgment of complexity. At the same time, it is important to distinguish between emotional sharing and oversharing. Children should not be expected to carry the worries of adults. The goal is not to unload emotions onto them, but to give feelings a name while strengthening their sense of safety and connection.

What children know is more than we think — and that’s okay

Many parents try to hide anxiety, worry, and stress from their children. This is, of course, a natural parental instinct. But children — even toddlers — pick up on what is not said: the tone of voice, a held breath when turning on the radio, a facial expression when putting the phone down, and more.

The more we try to protect children from reality through silence, the more they fill in the missing information with imagination — and children’s imagination can often be more severe than reality.

So what should we share? The basic facts, in simple language: “Yes, there is a war. We are safe now. We are keeping you safe.” What should we keep to ourselves? Details that the child cannot process, fears we have not yet worked through ourselves, and anxieties that do not help anyone.

The important message is that we do not have to pretend everything is normal. It is okay to say: “I’m a little struggling right now too,” “I’m worried, but we are together,” “There are things we do not know, but we are doing what we can to stay safe.”

Sharing should be age-appropriate. Young children need short, simple, and reassuring messages. Teenagers, on the other hand, often need more open conversation and real acknowledgment of complexity. At the same time, it is important to distinguish between emotional sharing and overexposure. Children are not meant to carry adults’ anxieties. The goal is not to “dump” emotions on them, but to name feelings and strengthen a sense of safety and connection.

Parental resilience is built through the ability to take care of ourselves and give ourselves space for breathing, activity, and fulfillment outside the parenting role. The idea is to identify the things that strengthen you, make you feel good, and help you cope when needed—for example, physical activity, creative expression, reading a good book, spending time in nature, or sitting at a café with a friend. This applies on a personal level, within yourself, but also on a couple and family level. A stable routine, open communication, and the ability to acknowledge mistakes and consider how things can be done differently are also important.

In summary, we do not always have the right answers, and we do not always know what to say to children who ask, “Why is there a war?” or “When will it end?” However, sometimes our honesty is better than any polished answer, and it is okay to say: “I don’t know when it will end, but we will get through this together.”

Families that have made it through difficult periods did not succeed because they had all the answers or because they never made mistakes. They managed to cope because they did not give up on the family connection—they sat together at the dinner table even on days when things were not going well, and said “I love you” even when it was hard to say anything else. This is, ultimately, the foundation of family resilience—not a perfect action plan, but a consistent, human, and warm presence.