Family and Parenting in Coping With a Crisis

If there is one thing the past few years have taught us, it is that life does not always go according to plan. It can feel as though we have only just adjusted to one reality when a new one arrives. Uncertainty, rapid changes, social and political tensions, war, and financial concerns have become part of everyday life for many of us.

Today, expectations of parents seem higher than ever. Alongside love, fulfillment, and a sense of meaning, parenting also involves constant physical and emotional work, with no real breaks or vacations. You have to get up in the morning, make dinner, soothe fears, set boundaries, and keep the household going, all while dealing with what is happening outside the home: war, uncertainty, and ongoing stress.

Many parents report emotional exhaustion, heightened alertness, difficulty concentrating, irritability, a sense of losing control, and sometimes less patience with their children. In addition, many parents experience a gap between how they would like to function and what they are actually able to do as parents. They ask themselves: What will my children remember from these years? What did we do right, and what did we miss? And there is one question that almost every parent who is willing to ask it out loud wonders about: Did I do enough?

The short answer is: yes. Your presence, even when you were tired, even when you did not know what to say, matters more than anything.

British psychoanalyst Dr. Donald Winnicott coined the term "good enough mother" (The good enough mother), which was later updated in the professional literature to "good enough parent" to reflect the role of both parents. This does not mean perfect parents, but parents who are able to remain a stable and secure presence for their children most of the time, even when they become exhausted, overwhelmed, or make mistakes.

Children do not need a parent who presents a facade of perfection. When a parent can say, "I'm having a hard time right now," apologize after reacting angrily, and reconnect and be emotionally available, children learn that it is okay to have feelings, make mistakes, and repair them. It is important not to burden children with adult worries, but rather to show them that it is possible to talk about difficulties and keep coping with them.

Children Know More Than We Think—and That's Okay

Many parents try to hide their anxiety, worry, and stress from their children. This is, of course, a natural parental instinct, but children, even toddlers, pick up on what is left unsaid, what lies behind the words: tension in our voice, holding our breath when the radio is turned on, the expression on our face when we put the phone aside, and more.

The more we try to protect children from reality by remaining silent, the more they will fill in the missing information with their imagination—and a child's imagination can be much worse than reality.

So what should we share? The basic facts, in simple language: "Yes, there is a war. We are safe right now. We are keeping you safe." What should we keep to ourselves? Details that the child is unable to process, fears that we ourselves have not yet processed, and anxieties that do not help anyone.

The important message is that we do not have to pretend that everything is normal. It's okay to say: "I'm having a little trouble right now too," "I'm worried, but we're together," "There are things we don't know, but we're doing what we can to keep ourselves safe."

Learn more about possible reactions and how to respond to them

Parental resilience is built on the ability to take care of ourselves and give ourselves the space to breathe, pursue activities, and find fulfillment beyond our role as parents. The idea is to discover the things that strengthen you, make you feel good, and help you cope when needed, such as physical activity, creative activities, reading a good book, spending time in nature, or sitting at a café with a friend. This applies on a personal level, in your relationship with yourself, as well as on a couple and family level. A stable routine, open communication, and the ability to acknowledge mistakes and consider how things can be done differently are also important.

In summary, we may not always have the right answers, and we may not always know what to say when children ask, "Why is there a war?" or "When will it end?" Still, sometimes our honesty is better than any polished answer, and it's okay to say, "I have no idea when it will end, but we'll get through this together."

Families that have made it through difficult times did not do so because they knew all the answers or because they never made mistakes. They managed to cope because they did not give up on their family connection, sat together around the dinner table even on days when things were not going well, and found a way to express love even when it was hard. Ultimately, this is the foundation of family resilience—not a perfect plan of action, but a human presence that is consistent and warm.