Family Coping with Personality Disorder
The life of a person dealing with a personality disorder often involves ongoing emotional, social, occupational, and other hardships. These hardships do not remain only with the person themselves: most of them also have an impact on their relationships, especially with their closest circle. Family members who are in the immediate circle are usually the first to feel the difficulties.
Living with a family member who is dealing with a personality disorder can be challenging, sometimes even exhausting or eroding. Many families describe long-term coping, with frustration stemming from the difficulty of helping their loved one, from poor communication, from high vigilance, and from worry about the future. In addition, some families also experience feelings of guilt about the very difficulties of their loved ones. At the same time, it can be said that despite the fluctuations and crises that accompany dealing with the disorder, in most cases the family remains loyal throughout the process.
If you have a family member who is dealing with a personality disorder, we have no doubt that you can identify with some of the things written here. The shared path is indeed complex and long, but with the help of knowledge, proper conduct, and cooperation, it is possible to overcome it and maintain family balance and a good routine.
Family difficulties and challenges
It is important to avoid generalizations about personality disorders. There are several types of disorders, each with unique characteristics that also pose specific challenges. In addition, it is worth considering that each family has characteristics that are unique to it. For these reasons, the ways of coping cannot be uniform either.
It is customary to divide personality disorders into three main groups, each of which poses different challenges to the family:
- First group is characterized by thinking and behavior styles that are perceived as unusual and even strange, or that sometimes do not correspond to the facts and circumstances. Among other things, there may be a tendency to make far-reaching interpretations of various events, signs of suspicion towards people, and more. Family members may find themselves worried and frustrated by the inability to convince and influence the positions and decisions of their loved ones, even if they have logical explanations.
- Second group is characterized by a tendency to changeable, volatile, powerful, and unregulated moods. Sometimes reckless reactions and unstable interpersonal functioning will appear. In these cases, family members may find themselves in emotional turmoil, or alternatively choose to distance themselves, in the hope of reducing friction, which is not necessarily beneficial in the long term.
- Third group is characterized by anxious, insecure behavior and a tendency to avoid unfamiliar, emotionally charged situations or those perceived as threatening. Family members may find themselves frustrated by these reactions, because on the surface they have no real basis, or alternatively – they are drawn into overprotectiveness. The family's efforts to take actions aimed at calming and increasing the sense of security of their loved ones may, indirectly, strengthen the anxious perception that these are situations with real and significant risk, while in fact this is not the case. As a result, in the long run, the ability to cope is actually weakened. It is important to note that in situations in which the person with the disorder experiences anxious behavior, they certainly feel this way – even if this feeling does not necessarily correspond to the circumstances.
Another important point concerns the place of siblings. Although a meaningful relationship with a brother or sister can be an important source of support, there are cases where, due to the need to invest heavily in the family member who suffers from a personality disorder, the other siblings may feel left out and not treated equally by the parents. Sometimes only in retrospect, many years later, do siblings report that the nature of the difficulties the family faced was never clearly explained to them, and yet they were required to be considerate and flexible, to the point of giving up their natural needs, for the sake of the struggling brother or sister, and also for the sake of the parents who could not be free enough for them.
Possible reactions from family members
Family involvement is a significant component in the treatment and rehabilitation process. As with difficulties, family members' responses also vary in their ways of coping:
Burden sharing
The prolonged coping is not easy and may constitute a significant burden, so many families divide the burden among family members, out of a desire to maintain strength over time.
Keeping distance
There are cases in which some family members feel frustrated, exhausted, and even angry in the face of the complex reality. In order to cope with the difficulty, they tend to keep distance, to the point of disconnection in extreme cases.
Mutual accusations
In the absence of any other explanation for the situation, sometimes mutual accusations arise within the family. Unfortunately, such processes usually further weaken the family's ability to cope as a single unit.
Recommendations for effective family coping
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1Acquiring knowledge about the disorder
The earlier the diagnosis is made, the less burnout the family experiences in dealing with unexpected situations. These situations are sometimes not sufficiently understood and cannot always be resolved using the usual tools available to the family. For this reason, it is important that, in parallel with the diagnosis of a family member, the rest of the family members acquire basic knowledge and understanding about the disorder and its accompanying manifestations. This step allows for coordination of expectations, focusing investment in areas where involvement is necessary, and preparing for situations known to be prone to crises, for example, moving to a new place of residence, changing jobs, etc.
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2Preparedness for moments of crisis
Although crises can occur unexpectedly, there are circumstances that are prone to disaster that are known in advance. Therefore, it is important to make an effort to build a "coping plan" in which those dealing with the disorder, their family members, and sometimes also the professional team involved in the treatment take part. The plan includes reference to necessary actions that are important to follow during a crisis and the sources to which one can turn. The very fact that this plan and the preparation for it are made during a period of calm increases the chance that it will be agreed upon by all parties and that it will be possible to implement and advance. In addition, it is important to note that the mere existence of this type of plan provides a sense of trust and security to all family members.
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3Maintaining open communication
Coping over time will almost certainly involve fluctuations and crises. One of the main ways to deal with such situations is to maintain open communication in the family, including developing the ability to listen to each other, without judgment or mutual accusations, and the ability to honestly share feelings and emotions, along with a generous dose of compassion.
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4Self-care alongside family reality
This is a long-term coping process, and therefore requires awareness of the need to respect the needs of all family members. In addition, it is important to consider emotional, financial and other constraints and the limitations of the family's reality. The main goal is to strive for balance: If the family only sacrifices, without consideration and self-preservation, there is a serious concern that it will fall into distress and accelerated burnout, to the point that it will not be able to help the person suffering from the personality disorder.
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5Maintaining a healthy routine
It is highly desirable for a family that is coping over a long period of time to maintain, as much as possible, the course of life and routine, such as: Employment, studies, extracurricular activities, social connections, hobbies, and also vacations for refreshment. These activities are valuable in themselves, but also serve as a source of refreshment and accumulation of renewed strength for continued coping.
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6Support and assistance from professional bodies
Sometimes the family is also accompanied by feelings of shame or fear of criticism or rejection that cause withdrawal and isolation, and thus vital support is effectively avoided. It is very important to try to remove the barriers of shame, blame, and stigma and to consider the possibility of sharing the difficulties with someone in your environment. Just as you would seek medical help for any other health problem, in the case of emotional distress it is also important to seek professional guidance and even psychological or pharmacological treatment. The willingness to seek help is not only a legitimate step for you as a family member, but also a way to help the person dealing with the personality disorder by setting an example of recognizing the difficulty and dealing with it effectively.
Coping with a personality disorder affects the entire family, not just the person themselves. The existence of social stigmas and feelings of guilt can lead to situations of family isolation, frustration, shame, and difficulty in receiving support and help. To cope effectively, it is important to enlist support from friends and extended family, meet other families in similar circumstances, and not be afraid to seek professional help. It is worth remembering that coping is a long process, with ups and downs, periods of stability, and crises. Therefore, it is important to adopt a realistic approach and recognize the complexity of the situation, which will allow you to promote the treatment and rehabilitation of the family member and achieve positive results over time.