I want

Encourage Treatment-seeking

Maya Malchin, Clinical Social Worker, Psychotherapist, MSW, Director of Addiction
13 May 2026

A loved one’s addiction is a difficult and overwhelming situation. If someone close to you is struggling with addiction, you will likely be the first to notice and recognize the signs, so it is important to know how to help. This experience may bring up feelings such as worry, anger, disappointment, guilt, and shame. It is important to remember that this is not your fault. The responsibility for change lies with the person who is struggling with addiction. You can offer support and encouragement, but you cannot force someone to get help. Many people with addiction have risk factors such as genetics or trauma, and they may use substances as a form of “self-medication.”

Understanding the causes of addiction

It is important to understand the causes of addiction, such as work-related difficulties, relationship crises, or other life challenges. Sometimes it is difficult to help without understanding the root of the problem. In some cases, the person themselves is in denial. Understanding and identifying the underlying factors is the first step in building motivation for treatment.

The importance of setting boundaries

The desire to help is positive, but your support should be limited to those who are willing to address their situation and choose to enter treatment. At the same time, even when helping, it is important to maintain boundaries so that the support does not harm you or your family. It is recommended to consult with professionals and remember that in some cases it may be better to step back or disengage. It is also important to know that many people with addiction may apply pressure and manipulation to get what they want. Be careful not to give in or enable their behavior, for example when it comes to money. Enabling an addicted person and their substance use can lead to further harm. The role of the family is to set clear boundaries, and it is important to seek professional guidance on how to do this. In some cases, boundaries themselves can lead to change.

Encouragement, support, and hope

It is important to provide positive reinforcement and acknowledge progress, no matter how small, and to recognize the value of harm reduction, since any improvement or reduction in use is better than no change at all.

Options for support and help in finding appropriate treatment

  • Referral to self-help groups such as AA (Alcoholics Anonymous) and NA (Narcotics Anonymous), which use a 12-step recovery program.
  • Checking treatment options through the person’s health maintenance organization (HMO).
  • It is recommended to offer support and, if possible, accompany the person to their first meeting at a support group, clinic, HMO, and similar settings.

Supporting a loved one who is struggling with addiction is a difficult and often overwhelming situation, especially when they lose control, engage in harmful behavior, and as a result harm themselves and cause significant distress to those close to them. In many cases, those closest to the person are the first to notice symptoms that may indicate addiction and deterioration, making them an important part of the treatment and recovery process. Family members and friends can help the person acknowledge a problem that should not be ignored and encourage them to seek appropriate treatment.

Recognizing and acknowledging emotions

When a close family member or a loved friend is dealing with addiction, it is a complex experience. It is natural to feel a wide range of emotions, such as deep concern, anger, disappointment, frustration, guilt, helplessness, or shame. At the same time, it is important to remember: this is not your fault and not your responsibility. You can support, encourage, and offer help, but the responsibility for change lies with the person struggling with addiction. It is helpful to respond with empathy, since people with addiction are often seeking relief or comfort. In these moments, the easiest coping path may be to return to the addictive behavior—such as another drink, a line of cocaine, or gambling—which may feel more immediately accessible than emotional support or professional help. The person may perceive the substance or behavior as a form of “medicine” that helps them feel better, a phenomenon known clinically as self-medication.

First, it is important to understand the problem

What factors led the person to develop an addiction? Work-related difficulties, relationship problems, or stress from caring for parents? Sometimes it is difficult to help without understanding the underlying cause. In some cases, the person is in denial. Understanding the situation is the starting point for building motivation toward treatment.

A person cannot be forced to seek help

In most cases, a person struggling with addiction does not enter treatment on their own initiative, but rather with encouragement and support from family and friends. However, this usually happens only when the person reaches a point where the suffering outweighs the perceived benefit of the addiction. It is important to offer support, express concern, and show understanding, while also recognizing that your influence on the situation is limited and not fully within your control.

Setting boundaries

In many cases, the person struggling with addiction may apply pressure or even manipulation to get what they want. Addiction can be expensive. It is important not to give in or enable the behavior—for example, by providing money to purchase substances or pay off related debts. Supporting the addiction can carry additional risks and consequences, such as draining savings, creating an ongoing financial burden, harming siblings and other family members, and endangering minors in the household.

Family members have a role in setting clear boundaries, and it is important to consult a professional for guidance on how to do this appropriately. In some cases, boundaries themselves may lead to change by bringing the person to their limits. Families may help by refusing financial support. In couples, it may be advisable to separate finances, consider separation, or even divorce. When the negative consequences outweigh the benefits, people often reach a breaking point that can motivate change.

Take care of yourself: support and help—but not at any cost

The desire to support, encourage, and possibly “rescue” a loved one struggling with addiction is common and understandable. However, support should not be unlimited or without boundaries. Support should be provided only when the person is actively seeking treatment and taking steps toward recovery. It is important to offer care, listening, and encouragement, while ensuring that it does not come at the expense of your well-being or your family. Consulting professionals is strongly recommended for guidance and support. It is also important to recognize that in some cases, distancing or separation may be necessary.

Encouragement, support, and hope

In general, it is helpful to provide positive reinforcement and acknowledge every achievement, no matter how small. While complete abstinence from the substance or harmful behavior is the desired outcome, any improvement is meaningful. The principle of harm reduction is important: any reduction in use or improvement in behavior is better than no change at all. For example, reducing consumption from 30 grams to 20 grams, or drinking one glass instead of a bottle. Every step forward counts and should not be taken for granted. It may not always lead to full recovery, but it can help stabilize the situation and prevent further deterioration.

Support and guidance in finding appropriate treatment

  • Self-help groups such as AA (Alcoholics Anonymous) and NA (Narcotics Anonymous), which follow a 12-step recovery program.
  • Exploring treatment options available through the person’s health maintenance organization (HMO) or through the Ministry of Health, and offering assistance in making contact.
  • Providing support and, if possible, accompanying the person to their first meeting at a support group or clinic.

Attention

Attention

The family’s message should be: “We are ready to help you find appropriate treatment, but we are not willing to enable the addiction or participate in destructive behaviors.” If the person struggling with addiction continues patterns of self-destructive behavior, the family should protect itself.

Addiction is an ailment that affects the entire family

In many cases, the entire family, and not only the addict, suffers from symptoms and problematic behavior patterns. The family’s response is a normal reaction to an abnormal situation—there is a family dynamic in which each member takes on roles within the family system. There are several aspects to how the family is affected by, or influences, the situation:

The addict sometimes embodies the family’s underlying difficulties. Even if subconsciously, the family occasionally plays a critical role in the evolution of the addiction, during the course of the addiction and in the recovery process.  

Some parents are extremely involved in their child’s decisions to the point of being controlling and intrusive in their private lives. In said cases, children may seek space where they feel in control and free from parental interference, through substance use or other risky behaviors.  

In said cases, the adolescent or adult may subconsciously be attempting to cry out for help through the addiction. Another situation is when the parents are in conflict; the child may try to bring them together through the addiction problem.  

Some families are dysfunctional, meaning the family dynamics are negative and even destructive, and instead of supporting recovery, they may exacerbate the situation. For example, families in which there is emotional abuse that manifests in statements such as: “You are worth nothing,” or “You will never succeed in life.”   The dysfunction creates a destructive family dynamic that does not promote recovery.  

The family occasionally suffers from a pattern known as “codependency.” In other words, the addict essentially becomes an extension of the family, and the family becomes overly focused on them instead of their own individual lives.   The family members essentially become “addicted” to the addict. For example, in the case of a person addicted to drugs, alcohol, or addictive behaviors, the family may become “addicted” to them —stopping their own lives and becoming consumed by caring for and worrying about the addict.   Codependency facilitates the continued addiction, as the family may unintentionally sustain the problem in their efforts to help the person recover.   The family may even unintentionally  and subconsciously contribute to the person returning to active use.   For example, a woman whose partner is an addict may want him to recover and become a better father and husband.   He recovers and returns to himself, and then he has opinions about parenting or financial management, which changes the couple’s or family dynamics. In such a situation, the woman might say: “It was better when you were using—why are you interfering now?” A situation like this can trigger the addict’s return to their addictive habits. 

Family therapy can help

Couples or family therapy, or parental training, frequently helps. When the family makes a change, it can encourage the addict to change as well, helping shift the family dynamic toward a healthier dynamic for all family members.