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Supportive Family: How to Take Care of Yourselves

Family caregivers
Maya Malchin, Clinical Social Worker, Psychotherapist, MSW, Director of Addiction Prevention and Treatment, Mental Health Department, Maccabi Healthcare Services
3 May 2026

Family members of addicts may experience a range of problematic emotions, such as stress, exhaustion, anger, worry, and even guilt. It is important to know that these feelings are a normal human response to a complex reality. In such situations, a pattern of codependency often develops where family members become entirely focused on caring for the other person while neglecting their own needs.  Codependency may be characterized by difficulty setting boundaries, a strong need to please others, and emotional reliance on the behavior of the person with addiction. With the right treatment, it is possible to move toward building a healthier relationship.

The most important first step in coping and in the recovery process is recognizing the problem. Family members need support and psychological care so they can support the person with addiction while also taking care of themselves and the family.

Recovery is a process with ups and downs. Seek support and do not measure yourselves by the behavior of the person with the addiction. Relapse is a moment of crisis but also an opportunity to make a renewed choice toward recovery.

Calling for help

There are many services in Israel for relatives of addicts, such as support groups, family or individual therapy and self-help groups.  The recovery process is long, so it is important to seek help and receive support.

Relatives of addicts often find themselves stressed, emotionally exhausted, angry, worried, and occasionally feeling shame, guilt or a sense of personal failure. All of these feelings are natural. These feelings do not indicate weakness but rather a human response to a complex and painful situation.

Among partners and family members of people who struggle with addiction, there is a common behavioral pattern called co-dependency. It refers to a situation in which a person tends to neglect their own needs and focus their life on caring for, controlling or trying to "save" another person, often due to an excessive sense of responsibility, a need for approval or fear of abandonment.

Typical signs of co-dependency:

  • Difficulty in setting healthy boundaries.
  • Constant need to please others, even at the expense of oneself.
  • A sense of self-worth that depends on the behavior or emotions of a partner or of an addicted child.
  • A tendency to take on the role of "fixing" or "saving" the other person.

Co-dependency does not arise only from a desire to help but also from deeper emotional patterns that also require care and attention. In therapy, it is possible to learn to distinguish between supportive help and self-neglect, and to build healthier relationships—both with the person struggling with addiction and with yourself.

Family members are part of the recovery and of the pain

Alongside the person with addiction, you are also going through a process. The family often tries to "save" the addict, take responsibility, or control their behavior but ends up exhausting itself in the process. Trying to "put out the fire" without professional help can lead to severe burnout, a sense of loss of control and may even damage relationships, parenting and the mental health of family members.

At the same time, family members can also significantly impact the success of recovery. When support comes from understanding, clear boundaries, and care for your own needs as well, it can be growth-promoting and healing.

Recognizing reality: the first and most significant step

One of the greatest difficulties is the stage of denial by the addict, and sometimes by their family members as well. It is not simple to recognize that something has gone wrong. Recognizing an addiction, which is, as specified, a mental health condition like any other, is an essential step in coping. This is the stage where recovery begins, for you as well.

Self-care is critical. Do not remain alone

During the process of coping with a family member's addiction, you also need just as much therapy, guidance and support as the addict. Individual psychological therapy, couples or family counseling, and participation in dedicated support groups can all provide support and help maintain your mental health.

Important to remember

Important to remember

in order to support others, you must first take care of yourselves. Self-care is not a luxury but a prerequisite for your ability to take care of yourselves, your family, and your relationship with the addict.

Setting boundaries: protecting yourself and the relationship

One of the main challenges is knowing how to behave towards an individual coping with an addiction. The desire to help can quickly turn into burnout or a pattern of unhealthy "rescue" behavior. Clear boundaries, assertive communication, and not enabling addictive behavior are part of the process of recovering together.

How to maintain boundaries

state what you are not willing to do for the family member who is struggling with addiction. For example: paying for gambling or drugs, lying for them or tolerating abusive behavior.

think ahead about how you will respond to volatile situations such as financial requests, outbursts of anger or promises of change. When you have a plan, it is easier to stay calm.

reinforce the message of love without supporting the addiction. Emphasize that you love the person but do not support the addict’s behavior. True love does not mean accepting self-destructive behavior but believing in recovery.

preserve your daily life and independence. Continue taking care of yourselves, your work, leisure, and other relationships. Do not allow the addiction to “consume” your entire world.

reach out for professional support for yourselves. Seek guidance, therapy, or participation in support groups. You do not have to cope alone.

How not to fall into despair

  • Remember that recovery is not a straight line. Recovery is a process with ups and downs. The fact that the person has tried and made progress, even if they are currently plateauing, shows that there are strengths that can be connected to again.
  • Seek support for yourself. You are not alone. Thousands of families face a similar dynamic and have found strength precisely through sharing their difficulties.
  • Do not measure yourselves by the behavior of the family member. You are not responsible for relapse, but you can be a supportive factor in returning to recovery.

Relapse is a moment of crisis but also an opportunity to make a renewed choice. The choice to stay, maintain boundaries, have faith, and seek help. The path to recovery is full of obstacles, but each time you return to it, it gains more depth and more strength. Even if everything feels fragile right now, it is not the end but just another chapter in the recovery story.

Calling for help

In Israel, there are dedicated services for family members of addicts:

  • Support groups for family members: such as those operating under the Ministry of Welfare and various nonprofit organizations (for example, the EFSHAR Association).
  • Family or individual therapy: available through HMOs, municipal addiction treatment centers, or nonprofit organizations.
  • Self-help groups for families of addicts, such as Narc-Anon or Al-Anon.

Keep in mind that the recovery process is long, for you as well. Do not expect immediate solutions. Sometimes the path is full of ups and downs, disappointments and hope. Take a breath, allow yourselves to seek help, and accept that your recovery process is just as important as that of your family member who is an addict. Precisely when you choose to take care of yourselves, you are also taking the most important step for them.